"Pfuel was one of those hopelessly and immutably self-confident men, self-confident to the point of martyrdom as only Germans are, because only Germans are self-confident on the basis of an abstract notion--science, that is, the supposed knowledge of absolute truth. A Frenchman is self-assured because he regards himself personally both in mind and body as irresistibly attractive to men and women. An Englishman is self-assured as being a citizen of the best-organized state in the world and therefore, as an Englishman, always knows what he should do and knows that all he does as an Englishman is undoubtedly correct. An Italian is self-assured because he is excitable and easily forgets himself and other people. A Russian is self-assured just because he knows nothing and does not want to know anything, since he does not believe that anything can be known. The German's self-assurance is worst of all, stronger and more repulsive than any other, because he imagines that he knows the truth--science--which he himself has invented but which is for him the absolute truth."

--Count Leo Tolstoy, War and Peace, Book IX, Chapter X

In essence, the Germans are delusional, the French narcissistic, the English self-righteous, the Italians mad, and the Russians sceptical and confused. Pretty much hit the nail on the head. One of my favourite parts of the book. There's another pretty good part several lines down in which Tolstoy writes in the same style, but I'll leave you to find out.

Wonder what reactions individual Europeans will have. Probably they'll even agree... Hee hee...

And where does Napoleon then fit in? As both an Italian and a Frenchman? Oh my God, what a combination...

"The Bible legend tells us that the absence of labour--idleness--was a condition of the first man's blessedness before the Fall. Fallen man has retained a love of idleness, but the curse weighs on the race not only because we have to seek our bread in the sweat of our brows, but because our moral nature is such that we cannot be both idle and at ease. An inner voice tells us we are in the wrong if we are idle. If man could find a state in which he felt that though idle he was fulfilling his duty, he would have found one of the conditions of man's primitive blessedness. And such a state of obligatory and irreproachable idleness is the lot of a whole class--the military. The chief attraction of military service has consisted and will consist in this compulsory and irreproachable idleness."

--Count Leo Tolstoy, War and Peace, Book VII, Chapter I

And we wonder how Christianity could breed nations of armies.

Along another vein, this is the most compact exposition on the current state of our national service.

My Four Years

Was looking through my old notes for material I may need for work, then I got some reflections on my four years in NUS, and then I looked through my past posts and realised that I didn't really put one down for my education (feeling very tempted to use quotation marks here) in NUS. So here's just bits and pieces of my reflections on these four precious years.

Was looking through my Classical Empires notes, trying to do a bibliographical survey for work, but I realised I didn't really care for this module. I remember I was sitting all the way at the back, constantly late for every lecture, basically just didn't care. Lockhart did not excite my interest. I took this module, to be brutally honest, to fill up the numbers.

The one that really excited my interest was American Intellectual History. The following may sound like the writings of a groupie, so pardon me. I liked no module or course better than something that allows me to sit back and reflect on what I've just read, especially touching on topics of life and philosophy. It touches on what people call "the big questions" of our lives. It gives us clues on how more brilliant people have thought about the questions of life. It serves a shining beacon, and I enjoy nothing less than the intellectual cut-and-thrust in the process.

I still remember a word of advice a tutor gave us in my 1st year class (It was SS2207SE/SE2213 Southeast Asia: Comparative Politics, I still remember clearly). It was essay time, and everyone in that class was in jitters as to how to write their first undergraduate essay, especially the guys, whose heads had rotted beyond repair after NS. The deadline was still a few weeks away, but a guy piped up about how to write the essay assignment. The tutor, Ms Valerie Teo, replied, "Don't worry about the essay. For now, just read, and think."

That sustained me for the remaining three and a half years. Valerie was going to pursue her PhD in the States at the time. Remind me to pay her a visit and thank her. It was a lesson of a lifetime, and the most useful academic advice in all four years. No one has ever encapsulated university learning, and philosophical life in so short, and so succinct, a phrase. Truly an enlightened soul. Perhaps that was more important than all the hard facts I've swallowed down over the years, and has made modules like AIH all the more enjoyable.

Truly grateful, Valerie. One doesn't get that kind of chance everyday, and when one does, much less realise it.

On nationalism

"A nation is a grand solidarity constituted by the sentiment of sacrifices which one has made and those that one is disposed to make again."

That is not a nation. That is nationalism. The two are not the same.

"A great aggregation of men, with a healthy spirit and warmth of heart, creates a moral conscience which is called a nation. When this moral conscience proves its strength by sacrifices that demand abdication of the individual for the benefit of the community, it is legitimate, and it has a right to exist."

--Ernest Renan, "Qu'est-ce qu'une nation?" (1882)

That is one of the best calls for nationalism as there can ever be.

"Sons of Scotland! ..."

New Year's Day 2006

It has been a quiet 3 days. No parties, no special arrangements. Just stayed at home and tidied the place after the whirlstorm of a renovation. I still have lots of stuff to get rid of. Call me if anyone's interested in a garage sale.

As I was watching the live telecast of the countdown on Mount Faber, it felt so different from previous years. Previously, I would have liked to plan an activity, a countdown of my own, with a few friends. I even went down to the countdown at Siloso Beach last year, though honestly, the party wasn't all that great. Somehow, there is no more need for such activities. No specified time to meet, no need to rush down town just to meet an appointment. Just staying at home and do what you like: read, watch TV, being with myself. That can make for a pretty good New Year's holiday too before we head back into the fray. I guess this is what an astute friend of mine calls "me-time". Just you, yourself and the universe. I wonder how she spends her "me-time".

A new year has begun. Time to let go of the baggage and the mishaps of the previous year and start afresh. We need to move forward. Begin anew. So let us do that: take in a deep breath and look around your world with a brand-new vision. One shouldn't let one's past cloud the future. Cheers!

God will not die as long as man lives.

2005 in review

It's already 2006, and my mind is still on 2005. Shows that I still linger in the past.

2005 has been a year of transition, but it has been generally good to me. The most important event was the smooth transition into working life. I am especially lucky in this, as very few people can actually boast of finding a job so soon after graduation as I did. This is the one big event which can make me shout out loud in the dead of night, "Heng ah!"

However, the year has not started out well at first. I was facing academic ennui and desperately begging to graduate and work instead of being stuck in school. It didn't help that the modules I was interested in were packed with the most brilliant minds of the class, making it a truly tough fight. Which probably also explains the grade which I ended my last academic semester. And it has come full-circle. I ended my final sem with the same CAP I ended my very first sem with. Is it a divine joke or what? I am clearly not destined for greatness.

But other than that little episode, all has been well so far. That does not mean that there are no problems. I am still learning the ways of the corporate world. Guess I have been stunted in that aspect. Maybe I should have worked for some years before I entered uni. The degree doesn't seem to be that important now.

Through the year, I have to thank a couple of friends who have always been available and been able to stand my crap at least for the past six months. Really glad to have them around, and strangely both of them are female. Thanks Mita and Joey, if you are able to read this. All the best for 2006. Hope to see you guys around more. Cheers!

So 2005 hasn't exactly been bad to me, but it is the quarter-life crisis year after all, and I do feel myself lagging behind. By competitive Singaporean standards, I should have a blooming career, a car (any car will do), a stable relationship, the works. But as we all know, we never live in an ideal world, so there goes the plan.

Anyways, all the best for 2006, and may my career rise to greater heights in the new year. Cheers!